Despite only being 27 I have started to avoid getting out of chairs to quickly and am currently drinking hot chocolate.
I first realised i was old when i got excited about ikea opening and we also bought two dogs who seem to shit out twice the amount we feed them,i fully intend to en-role them into some sort of scientific study to see how and why they can multiply the food in their stomach and leave baby sized dumps around my house when i’m not looking..i own house pants…HOUSE PANTS! damn you jebus
Things i don’t like now that i am old:
children
getting old
old people
banks
children
and many more
A British man on the run from police sent a picture of himself to his local paper because he disliked the mugshot they had printed of him as part of a public appeal to track him down.
South Wales Police had issued media with the photo of Matthew Maynard, wanted by officers investigating a house burglary, as part of a crackdown on crime in Swansea.
When it appeared in the South Wales Evening Post, the 23-year-old sent the newspaper a replacement photo of himself standing in front of a police van. They obligingly printed it on the front page.
The police thanked him for helping them in their appeal, saying: “Everyone in Swansea will know what he looks like now.”
I have nothing at all against foreign people in fact they are my favorite type of people to point and laugh at, but i went for breakfast in a low budget place the other morning, the kind of place that if you met someone you really didn’t like and they asked if you knew a good place for breakfast you’d say ”yeah,i know a great place you should go”
The problem is that if you can’t speak english don’t serve me,when i asked how the egg’s were cooked and i got the answer ”ehhh..yes” and a look like i had just asked her to explain in four simple steps why it is not possible to travel at the speed of light.. that was me done, i want to go to some eastern european country and get a job in a restaurant just for the fuck of it,see how long i can last just smiling at people and guessing their food order
Computers have gone all fancy and 3 diminutional and the like, its wrong i say..wrong!! i want my computer games basic and old school. Zelda is simply the bestest game that the computer game inventor people have ever developed so i have dusted off the old super nintendo and am about to loose six to eight weeks of going outside
Im starting at the first-ish zelda and work my way through to the end or until i smash friendly mr nintendo console over the face with my shoe because i can’t kill the boss thingy after eight straight hours…i have already apologized to my lady friend as every answer she will hear from now on will be a mixture of grunts and ”what did you say?”
This is a guy in Russia i think..crazy bastards! I went to school with a russian who looked like the guy from rocky (the one with the Russian) only about 5 foot bigger,i told him one day that he sounded like a lady boy when he talked and he punched me right in the face..i found out that he used a fake passport from Latvia(they being in the eu) to get cheap school fees so i made him clean my shoes while i was wearing them..i won
I read today that Facebook has overtaken porn as the most popular content on the internet,who would have thought that people would actually want to contact other people rather than watch porn.
Don’t get me wrong, I like facebook but i find this very hard to believe
I’m going to invent a a new face book where you have to be naked in all your pictures then i will take over the world…i’ll call it www.likefacebookonlywithlesscloths.com or .org if that is not available
update: if you want hits tag porn on you page..also point proven
Britain’s National Farmers Union issued a general alert in August, after four fatal attacks on people by cows, that dogs should not be walked near grazing fields. “The cattle are interested in the dog, not the walker,” said an official.
I once stood in a field (very near the gate) throwing small stones at a bull trying to hit his ball bag,after about 10 minutes i hit it perfect…he didn’t like that
I don’t like French people, as Jeremy Clarkson calls them ‘cheese eating surrender monkeys’ with their stripey caps and their outrageous French accent..on the other hand i am quite fond of parrots and stephen fry so here is a video of a parrot shagging a camera man’s head…the parrot looks extremely happy with himself
Hello internet, my name is not Ian, it could be but it’s not, i don’t like the name Ian, I rang my mum today after talking to a guy on the phone called Ian and thanked her for not calling me Ian,she said that she didn’t like the name Ian either..I don’t think anyone dose,unless your name is Ian of course but i bet deep down they hate their name as much as the rest of us do…..anyway this blog is not for you,go away
Welcome
What are you doing here? are you lost? leave the internet immediately!
and then..
Homer: "No beer, no tv make Homer something something"
Marge: "Go crazy?"
Homer: "Don't mind if I do!"
Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene
Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
